Is this some kind of test?

I am beginning to suspect that the middle school search process is designed to keep out the wrong sort of people.

We are the right sort of people, the sort of parents schools actively recruit;  a married couple, one in the arts, the other an executive (a potential volunteer AND a potential donor).  We have one child, a half White, half Asian Girl Scout who plays soccer and is on her school’s First Lego League Robotics team.  She has a dancer’s physique and takes piano lessons.  She said she might like to become a physicist.

Let me rephrase that.  My Kid is “the right sort of people”.  Myself–not so much.

Her life may be about to be ruined by her mother who has two university degrees that are apparently obsolete because she is stymied by some of the online registration forms required not to apply–but just to take a tour of a public middle school.

For example;  The night after the elementary school guidance counselor made her presentation on “Middle School Choice” to the 5th grade parents assembled after upper grade (by which we mean 3rd, 4th and 5th grade at our school also known as 7, 8, 9 and 10 year olds) curriculum night, I went on-line, in the middle of the night, which is when I do most of my on-line research.  I found the website for a middle school I’d heard other parents talk about.  I followed the links to sign up for a tour. Half of the tour dates were already full.  The rest linked to a page that said “It looks like the form M___ tour is turned off.

So, I assumed that meant that the administrators of that school had decided they had enough applicants after the October tour dates filled up and decided to cancel the November tour dates.  Remember this was the day after the school guidance counselor held her first public meeting of the school year.  Right before the meeting, I was told by one of the Alpha Parents that I had just missed the only tour for the most selective middle school in Brooklyn;

“That tour was yesterday.  You missed it.  I’m pretty sure it was the only one.”

I was primed to believe that a well known selective public middle school had already closed its doors to potential 2011 entering 6th graders by September 30, 2010.

It was only after I talked to another parent later that I tried again.

When I tried again, I saw the small print telling me that the school tour online registration forms were only available between the hours of 9 am and 3 pm Monday through Friday.

Who are these people who fill out online forms about their kids activities during the day?  Isn’t everyone at work?  Doesn’t everyone do that sort of thing in the middle of night after all the children are asleep?  I don’t think we’ve ever gone on the AYSO website while wearing anything but pajamas.

What do the other people do, the ones who have to go to the library for access to a computer?  What about people who don’t work in the kinds of offices where they have enough autonomy that they can google random school webpages while at their desks.  What if the parents aren’t white collar middle management?  How do they get their kids into selective schools that only consider kids who’ve visited the schools and the visits must be reserved online and hurry they fill up quickly.   What about the children of construction workers and people who work in retail?  What about people who have other children with physical needs or urgent problems that are more compelling in the moment to a caregiver than who will go to which school a year from now?  What about their gifted children?  How will these schools even know these children exist?  They won’t.

There are parents who believe that their children are special and gifted.  Some of these parents also believe that all parents believe their children are special and gifted.  They believe that if their child is really so special and gifted compared to the other children then the school with tell them and then transfer them into a class for gifted children.  Unfortunately, in New York City the gifted classes are completely full of gifted children before the first day of kindergarten so the only children who end up in the gifted programs are the children who were gifted with the kind of parents who navigate the maze to get them there.  The gifted children without parents to advocate for them don’t have a chance.

Oh and when I did fill out the form it was tricky like a standardized test.

They asked for the name of the child’s elementary school and then the next blank was for “middle school zip code” like the test makers were setting it up a trick question.  If you weren’t a careful reader you might put in the zip code of the elementary school. That’s the wrong answer. Buzzzz. You just failed our hidden IQ test!

Even now, having, according to the computer, successfully registered to take the tour I wonder… Did they really mean for me to go back to the home page and copy down the zip code of the street address of the middle school on whose website I was in the process of asking to visit their school or were they looking for a different answer?  I’ll never know.

school search or arts development

There is a painful conflict in the minds, hearts and calendars between the women of Clowns Ex Machina committed to developing this small arts organization and the need to run the gauntlet of the New York City school search, for preschool, for kindergarten and for middle school places for our beautiful children who have completely eclipsed our stage careers.

Photo Shoot Today

We had a Clowns Ex Machina photo shoot this morning, in Manhattan, with the famous photographer of variety artists Jim Moore (He was the photographer in the movie Man on A Wire.) He’s so cool.  He’s so nice.  He’s so professional.

We had a good time.

We were photographed in black and white wearing our street clothes and in color with our red noses and Clown Axioms costumes on.

It makes me think of the movie The Wizard of Oz. Kansas is in black and white while Oz is in color.  I didn’t know about that special effect until I was in college because I grew up in a home with a black and white television.  I’d always assumed the whole movie was in color.

Anyway, now that this long anticipated “performance” is over my body has succumbed and I’m down with the cold I’ve been ignoring and fighting off for days.

But we are registered for middle school tours this week so I am only allowed to be ill for about 14 hours.

While we were changing costumes, I spoke with the clown mother of a 4-year-old who is in the midst of all the school tours and IQ the testing for placement in next fall’s kindergarten class.   She said was surprised how involved and time consuming the whole process has become.  Later when I caught up with The Husband and My Kid and friends from her soccer team at a local diner, the other mother and I talked about our middle school search.  Is there any other topic???  Does it ever end.  It’s like we’re single-minded children right Christmas.  What do you want?  What do you think you’re going to get?  —Except that the anticipation isn’t any fun.

So Flattered

I am always so flattered by what the working-artist babysitters have to say about my train wreck of an apartment.  They say things like “it’s a grown up apartment”  “a functioning home” and “Pillows!  I aspire to pillows!”  while I am unfortunately preoccupied with thoughts of; Why do we rent a floor through when this friend and that friend own whole brownstones? There is a galley kitchen in my living room which is also my dining room which is also the playroom.  The couch in front of the only TV is our guest bedroom.  I wish I had a washer-dryer, &/or a deck,  &/or a second floor, &/or a foyer, &/or coat closet &/or a linen closet…

And yet…

OMG!

WE LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY!

pedestrian and clown

I’ve assembled complete pedestrian and clown outfits for the photo shoot on Sunday.   I still need to think about make-up and a few minor repairs (missing buttons, tube of lipstick…)  But, I’m pretty much ready for Sunday.

We’ll have to dressed and ready to go out the door well before 9:oo am ON A SUNDAY!

Ugh!

I just interviewed a new babysitter

I just interviewed a new babysitter.  As I write this I think, “Darn  why didn’t I ask her about her late evening availability?”  I was so busy thinking about our regular schedule and what would I like to get done if I didn’t leave the apartment at 2:30 to pick up My Kid from school and then follow her as she either went to the park for exercise which I advocate or to the library to ostensibly do homework which I also ostensibly advocate but don’t actually feel the need to be there for… so I need a babysitter…

There are a lot of things I am trying to get done this month and the chopped up day with middle school tours and YMCA Pilates mat clases and some grocery shopping and some hours spent at the laundry mat and researching and visiting  MIDDLE SCHOOLS (with and without my child) all that has to happen between 9am and 2:30 p.m. I’m just not getting enough done.

So I need some help and I’m willing to pay for it.

Looking back, I should have been paying for this all along.

But, I have always had a hard time committing to a set schedule an even as a toddler, my baby would be sleeping like a log at the appointed hour for me to transport her to the neighborhood daycare, and she and I just never quite got the whole thing worked out to my advantage…

Murphy’s Law

While running a small print job as class parent, I was reminded of the difficulty I had with clerical tasks last fall while we were putting together the show Clown Axioms. Then as now, I made a special trip home in the middle of the day just to print something out and I had about 45 minutes in the apartment to accomplish the task.  However, the e-mail attachment was in Microsoft word which slowed down my Mac so much that I couldn’t even open the file until it was too late and I had to leave to go pick up My Kid from school.  By then I had also discovered that we didn’t have any printer paper and so after I picked up my kid we went to the office supply store, but it was closed, so we went to Target and by the time we got home there was half an hour to get some homework done before The Husband came home for dinner, and of course that was the time the homework was left at school and there were tears and there were time outs and dinner was delayed for hours.  And then there was the  humiliating reset of my laptop by The Husband because of something I did in the process of trying to get the Microsoft document to communicate with my Mac.  Technology is not an endeavor in which I possess an abundance of natural gifts.

And so the next morning, in the rain, I went to Kinko’s where the the inattentive counter staff and inserting of credit cards into multiple machines, adding colored paper to the tray and waiting for the clerk to void a mistake made the whole thing take far longer than I ever would have guessed when I first read the e-mail about the form to copy and distribute. What ever can go wrong will go wrong.