It’s Monday morning. The Husband has taken My Kid to school and I have a couple of hours on my own in the apartment before I have to leave for a class. Because I’m using my laptop to get organized for my day I somehow ended up on facebook where friends were complementing Chris Bayes on his new website. So I had to check it out. The text invites one to classes that may be inspiring and I think, that sounds fun. Then I remember I already have a connection to Jef Johnson’s Clownlab. He’s getting inspired teaching children in Sudan at the moment and may have a lab in New York this weekend. I wasn’t able to attend the workshop a couple of weeks ago. I would like to go this Saturday, but I will have to get a babysitter because The Husband will be out of town and wether or not I can go also depends on the time of My Kid’s soccer game and we have tickets for the Brooklyn Children’s Film festival… Jango Edwards is spearheading a monthlong Nouveau Clown Institute course in Barcelona next month. Some people I know are going (mostly single performers not that long out of college). I would very much like to go but of course I can’t for innumerable reasons. But, there is always that little question why can’t I go? It’s not like I have a corporate job. Theoretically I could decide to go and take out my credit card… buy a plane ticket… find a babysitter… Does it mean I’m not sufficiently committed to my home and family if I daydream of clowning in Spain?
Tag: New York
Tristan, My Go-To Store is Gone!
Ever since The Husband started working at Rockefeller Center I have been shopping regularly at the Tristan store conveniently located in his building. I went there because it was in his building and it was a good place to pass the time when he was delayed in meeting me for lunch. But, I discovered that the clothes were flattering and not that expensive and I began to buy there the kind of clothes that made me feel as though I belonged in that part of town. (When The Husband worked in Chelsea I could wear jeans to his office no problem.) I got a brown suit and a black tweed dress that looked kind of “Madmen” and a long black cardigan with colored flecks in it and some cute tops… And now my go-to store is gone. I am shocked!
That store has been there the whole time we have been in New York, I got a cute sundress there on sale back when I was still pushing a stroller.
The Post 9/11 Decade
It’s New Years Eve. So much has been said about this decade that for lack of a better name is being called the post 9/11 decade. Remember Seattle’s public Millennium Celebrations that got cancelled because of a terrorist plot. Remember the sight gag on late night TV, Seattle’s New Year’s Celebration as a few guys in an empty room sitting on folding chairs. In the year 2000 my beautiful daughter was born, one of those auspicious millennium dragon babies. We bought a house in Seattle. And then the tech boom ended. And then we moved to New York. And then 9/11 happened the week after we discovered the sphere fountain in the World Trade Center Plaza was a good place to take our toddler. Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian Church Playgroup. And then we went to Nebraska to introduce my baby to her great-grandparents. And then there was the Anthrax scare so I didn’t send Christmas Cards from New York to let everyone know we we had moved. And then my baby could talk. Music for Aardvarks. And then my little girl went to preschool at the Dillon Center. STREB kid action with Fabio. Shi Chi Go San. And then my little girl went to pre-K in Manhattan. And then my little girl went to Kindergarten in Brooklyn. And then I spent two months on the jury for a murder trial. And then my little girl was in 1st grade. And then my little girl was in 2nd Grade. Shi Chi Go San. First Holy Communion. FIRST Lego League. Brownie Girl Scouts. And then my little girl was in 3rd grade. The Husband changed jobs four times in one year. The New Economy. AYSO Soccer. And now my little girl is in 4th grade. Barack Obama is the President of the United States. And now it is turning into 2010. We have a new hamster. Whoooosh!
Still Struggling With the Production Process
I am still struggling with the production process and how it all went down, how Kendall was disappointed with my work and I was so upset that I shook.
Because Kendall told me that I was drifty and unfocused in rehearsal and because of all the talk about stepping up and taking on production tasks, I didn’t feel as though I had a right to say something like, “This is not what I expected, I cannot do this work by myself, I did not plan to spend my week this way. Instead I didn’t say anything to Kendall, begged my busy stressed-out husband to spend his home time helping me to do volunteer clerical tasks–which was stressful. I let other things slide in the process of focusing on the marketing letter that seemed to be an audience building whim. I mistakenly put off important things like getting my bio and blog up on the NYCMOMSBLOG website and talking to family members about the developing plans for a 50th wedding anniversary family vacation to make a priority out of something which ended up costing me money and making me feel bad.
I hesitated to “step up” and commit in a meeting in a conference room in July, to essentially clerical tasks that would need to be accomplished during and after the beginning of school. From the very first rehearsal I was thrown off center when we had our first talk back and I said “I don’t feel entirely here in the studio.” And I expected other people to say things like “Yeah me too.” and “I can’t believe summer is over already.” Instead, Kendall said “What do you need to do about that? More sleep? Better nutrition?” I was the week between flying back to New York from Montana and the start of school. My time and priorities belonged to The Husband and My Kid and I was not expecting to schedule any “me time” with Pilates classes and lap swims at the Y until after My Kid started school.
As it turned out those planned workouts also slipped off the agenda as I tried to get the marketing letter done.
Because I don’t work I think I can do anything and whatever I have in mind to do gets pushed to the back burner because I live with the flexibility to do that (in the event of My Kid coming down with a cold and staying home from school or being available to chaperone a class field trip. During this production I also was deflecting daily requests to volunteer to be a class parent. It’s easy to give my time away. It takes so much effort to keep it for myself.
The nightly dinner-homework-bedtime show
It has taken me a long time to figure out that when we walk in the door at 6:00 pm it is the start of the pre-show for a three hour dinner/homework/bath/bed experience produced by myself, every school night to varying audience reaction.
The kid in bed by 9 pm, (hair combed, teeth brushed, book read, dolls kissed and tucked in, bathroom visited at least twice) merits a standing ovation.
To some minds, 9pm is a late bedtime for a child but the ideal bedtimes are unrealistic. My Kid wants to eat dinner with her father. That seems reasonable, but she also wants to save some of her homework to do with him and she also likes to cook together as a family. The Husband likes that too. Sigh. If only we had more than a galley kitchen… The family cooking thing only goes smoothly if I’ve done my job as a prep cook.
My Kid can and will stay awake longer than her parents.
If I don’t keep stage managing the evening towards the final goal of bed (with homework done, half hour of reading done, bath done, dinner made (or take-out ordered…We are in New York) eaten and cleaned up after, and anything else that has to be done before bed–if I let down my guard even for a little while suddenly it’s 11:00 pm and nobody is in bed. Then The Husband will say something like: “OK people, I don’t know what you think needs to happen, but I have to get up early. As far as I’m concerned the day has ended.”
And so it is up to me.
I’m not complaining.
I’m just saying; it’s a show and putting on a show takes effort.
My Kid wants to take piano. I’m all for it but I dread adding half an hour of piano practice to the show.
Monday, a day off
It’s Yom Kippur, the New York Public Schools are closed so my kid is home. Even if there was school she would probably home today with a cold. So here I am with a sunny day, a kid with enough energy to play and I can’t call anyone for a playdate because she is germy. The Husband also has a cold and he looked pretty miserable as he got ready for work this morning. He was coughing as his cold moves to his chest from his head where it was yesterday, after making it’s first appearance in his throat on Saturday. But, he can’t stay home, there is a deadline.
For me it’s a day of playing catch-up as I realize how many things I have let slide after two three-day weekends of rehearsals with a week of production work sandwiched in between. My kid is missing the weekend family time and has made her point in a number of ways from the very clear “I don’t like it when you are always at rehearsal,” to end-of-the day meltdowns.
(Yesterday at the end of the rehearsal when we were talking about the upcoming techs which will be on weeknights in venue between 5:30 and 11:00 pm one of the other clowns spoke of her anxiety over childcare. She was awake in the middle of the night worrying about it. The time is hard because the start time is before the husbands are home so babysitters must be found, babysitters that will more than eat up the small payment we will receive for these performances. I didn’t perform in New York at all when My Kid was little. It was just too expensive. You have to pay cash up front not just for all the hours spent at auditions, rehearsals and performances, but also for all the time spent traveling to and from home and the studios and theaters. Where I live in Brooklyn there are daycare centers with waiting lists and a large network of live-out nannies that come to the home to watch the children of professionals during office hours. But, when the work is evenings and on weekends, childcare is covered by a patchwork of babysitters made up of artists, students, relatives and neighbors. Organizing enough coverage to meet work obligations can become overwhelming and that is the real reason that women with children drop out of the workforce. They really want to work and they enjoy it.
I overhead a couple of mothers at school the other day. One had just gone back to work and the other was asking how it was going. The response, “It’s so easy. I come home from work and the kids have already run around at the playground and the house is clean!”
Is this really my life?
The Husband took My Kid to school in Brooklyn Heights on his way to his office at Rockefeller Center. After the cleaning lady arrived at the apartment my old clown college roomate and I went out for coffee. She’s New York for a production meeting. We had time for breakfast at Junior’s before she got on the subway. We talked about her work as a puppeteer (she’s been hired for a commercial) and my work as a clown (in rehearsal for Clown Axioms at La MaMa Experimental Theatre Club). Is this really my life?
I’m feeling some free-floating anxiety as we prepare for the first day of school
I’m thinking about fall and the first day of school.
My Kid’s first day of 4th grade. I started at a new school in a new town in a new state when I was in 4th grade. I remember that time so well and I am a little bit, no, actually a lot shocked that my baby girl is already that old.
9/11 was to be the first day of playgroup for My Kid and I when she was a toddler and we had just moved to New York and I was looking forward to meeting other mothers in the neighborhood.
Katrina happened right before My Kid started kindergarten and since I couldn’t watch the news while she was around I stayed up until 3:00 or 4:00 even 5:00 am several nights in a row. I couldn’t stop watching and being shocked and depressed by the news. Later that school year, I was assigned to the jury of a murder trial that lasted two months.
Last fall, The Husband was in the middle of changing jobs when the economy tanked.
What is the opposite of auspicious?
Floating
There’s this thing that is done in Montana. Floating on a river in a rubber raft. It’s fun. It’s done with friends. It’s relaxing. It’s making me really sad that we are going back to New York tomorrow. Missoula “A River Runs Through It” Montana really is a beautiful place! I will miss it.
Just reading the local paper’s top story…
This morning’s top story in the Missoulian, our local daily newspaper;
“Grizzly, cub killed in Glacier Park“.
By Michael Jamison of the Missoulian: WEST GLACIER – “The old grizzly sow was rumbling straight toward a campground full of hikers, chubby cubs laboring along behind, when two rangers simultaneously pulled their triggers. It wasn’t the way they’d planned to kill the bear, but there she was heading for camp, a big wild bear as unpredictable as the campers she was about to surprise…”
…”When a grizzly bear begins approaching people on purpose, that bear must go.”
…”And although the Bronx Zoo finally agreed to take the cubs, no zoos wanted a 17-year-old adult.”
…”cubs”…”tranquilizer”…
“But the male cub didn’t look so good. It’s tough to gauge a dosage when you don’t know an animal’s weight, temperature, vital signs, underlying health condition…”
“…First one ranger tried CPR, then another, going mouth to snout while coaxing the 100-pound yearling back to life. It did not work.”
“But what’s really sad is loosing three bears from this ecosystem.”–Jack Potter, chief of science and natural resources at Glacier National Park
“The outcome while arguably unavoidable, was tragic, Potter admitted, particularly for those wildlife lovers who had rallied around the three bears.”
“We need to make a positive out of a negative,” Witulski (a retired forester from Idaho) “We need to tell the story better, so the public pays more attention.”
“…perhaps all those who followed the story with such interest can donate to grizzly bear habitat protection, or to the parks bear management team…” which is currently trying to get two other grizzly groups away from the park’s backcountry chalets.
When we get back to New York I’m going to take My Kid to see the surviving grizzly bear cub at the Bronx Zoo.