June 2008 – Clownmommy

Stay At Home Mom –NOT!

When I was preparing to begin a blog of my own, in my random cyber-wanderings I came across a blog that made me laugh. It wasn’t the wit of the writer, it was the subject matter. A man, a professional athlete had just become a proud stay-at-home-dad. His blog bragged about how smoothly his day went. He got up early and got in a good workout before his wife went to her job. Then he managed the care and feeding of the baby all day, accomplishing other tasks and getting in more exercise while the baby slept. He didn’t know why people complain about how hard it is to stay home with a child. There are no further posts.

I don’t want to be one of those people who start a blog and don’t continue. But, I also don’t want to chat and vent and whine. I want to write about what I do or try to do making my way as a theatrical clown in New York City at the same time as I am a “stay-at-home-mom” although apparently unable to stay home for more than a few hours at a time. Granted My Kid is in school now (except she’s not now–summer vacation has begun both “Finally!!!!!” and “Already???”) so it’s not like she’s a baby or a toddler. But, it did seem that going on the science field trip, attending the Second Grade Field Day, the Brownie Girl Scout Badge Ceremony and taking cupcakes to her class in honor of her “summer birthday” not to mention, the cleaning, that I don’t do enough of, but spend a lot of time stressing about and the cooking, that I don’t do enough of but spend a lot of time stressing about, and the laundry, that I don’t do enough of but spend a lot of time stressing about, and the hanging out on the playground so that she can run and play (before the summer becomes too hot), during which time I think to myself: “Surely there must be some high school or college student who could do this instead of me”. Except that it was lucky for me to be there talking to the other moms on the playground when it was decided to organize a week of Mommy Camp for those of us who haven’t registered our kids daycamp starting-right-away-like-the-moms-with-real-jobs and so there is the problem of what will our kids do now that school is out and all their friends are in day camp. I wouldn’t have been a part of this project if I hadn’t been standing around chatting with the mothers at the edge of the playground when the idea came up and Enthusiastic Mom ran with it and several multi-kid mom’s latched on because they hadn’t planned anything anyway because of upcoming travel or visitors or baseball or finances.

It’s a good thing I was there, because otherwise My Kid would spend all next week watching Hannah Montana and The Suite Life of Zach and Cody (I hate that show) and iCarly, television shows wherein My Kid learns that middle school is going to be great fun and grown-ups are sight gags. Meanwhile I would drink too much coffee and vibrate between the kitchen sink and my laptop trying to decide whether I should clean or cook or shop or do laundry or work on a clown piece or write or take My Kid to the park or the library or the beach or a museum and end up going to Target because it’s entertaining for her and has some errand accomplishing value for myself.

Instead, for this coming week my friend, Enthusiastic Mom, has already e-mailed me a spreadsheet schedule of when and where My Kid and I are supposed to be each day in order meet up with the other kids and mommies to do something stimulating and exciting with My Kid’s friends and assorted younger siblings.

Meanwhile, there is some life in my life on the clown front. The full-length show I proposed was not chosen for the New York Clown Theatre Festival this September, but they would like us to do a piece in one of their evenings of short works. I forwarded that e-mail to my puppeteer partner but she didn’t respond. Before I sent her another e-mail asking why she hadn’t responded and would she be able to be in town to perform with me, and what’s the matter didn’t she like the show we proposed or want to work with me anymore. I googled the summer theatre where she is running the prop shop and noted in their calendar that they had 4 different shows open this week, so I let it slide for now. I was on stage at the New York Downtown Clown Revue in a demonstration of Jef Johnson’s Clown Lab. Kendall’s next project, “Clown Axiom”, went into rehearsal on Friday and I was there at Triskelion Studio on Williamsburg (after schlepping my kid to a begged-for babysit/playdate in Brooklyn Heights and the end of the day I took the girls swimming at the Y and then for pizza and then donughts with My Husband and then the next morning my kid’s friend’s mommy called and said her daughter was still asleep at nearly 11 am. She reported that her child had gone from little girl to teenager in less than 24 hours.) I attended some Clown Labs at Theatre Lab and The Producers Club and I got a 4th of July corporate gig through a Ringling contact. So I’m not doing nothing.

But,

It feels like it sometimes.

*&%$#@ Standardized Test!

My kid brought home a test today 20/24, 84%. Can I just say my kid is 7. Can I just say she only missed 4 questions.

OK. Next year, third grade is a big deal test in New York City.

We are supposed to go over with our child the questions that they missed.

First question:

3. Charles Blondin was a brave man.

In 1859, He crossed Niagra Falls of a tightrope. Then he put on a blindfold and crossed the rushing water again. But, that wasn’t all he did. He walked the rope with stilts. As his last trick, he walked halfway across the tightrope. There he stopped for breakfast! He cooked some eggs and ate them. Then he made his way to the other side.

From this story you can tell: A. Blondin was a poor swimmer. B. Blondin was comfortable on the tightrope. C. Blondin was not afraid of water.

My kid chose C. which MUST BE TRUE but NOT AS TRUE as B.

The next question my kid missed:

1. Yin-May was was driving on the road. She saw an airplane over her car. It was a warm day and her windows were rolled down. Yin-May heard the plane’s engine go off and then on. This happened many times. The plane turned and came in low over the road. The plane turned again. Yin-May pulled off the road.

Which of these sentences is probably true? A. Yin-May was waiting for her mother. B. The plane had problems and needed to land. C. The pilot was counting the cars on the road.

My kid picked A. Misreading waiting for wanting. OF COURSE SHE WANTED HER MOTHER. SHE WAS A KID DRIVING DOWN THE HIGHWAY AND A PLANE WAS GOING TO LAND ON HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next Question:

In the 1800’s , a man from France wanted people all over the world to know that America stood for freedom. He asked an artist friend to help him. First the artist drew a picture of a woman wearing a long robe. He showed the woman holding a torch and wearing a crown. The statue was finished in 1886. Now it stands on Liberty Island. It has greeted many people who have come to America.

Which of these sentences is probably true? A. The man’s statue was never finished. B. The statue is the Statue of Liberty. C. The statue stands for all artists.

OK so My Kid visited the Statue of Liberty just a couple of months ago when her cousins were in town. FYI, on the island, at the museum of the Statue of Liberty MUCH IS MADE OF the delay, of the completed statue not making it to the US by the 1876 Centennial Celebration and of Joseph Pulitzers penny campaign for school children to help fund the pedestal for the statue because they didn’t have one ready when the statue arrived and they needed to complete the unfinished project, of the statue being in storage…

SO MY KID, WHO SEE’S THE STATUE OF LIBERTY FROM THE BROOKLYN PROMENADE ON A REGULAR BASIS, (and therefore knows it was completed) –because of all the delays she learned about… Plus, the Twin Towers that went down when she was 14 months old–the “Freedom Tower” is an unfinished project she’s heard about for as long as she can remember (freedom – liberty…What’s the difference?) My Kid chose A.

And finally:

3. Even though she didn’t speak, I knew Mom was mad. Her face was red. Her arms were crossed. She was standing in the doorway tapping her foot. I was late again. I tried to run to my room fast.

Which of these sentences is probably true?

A. Mom was pleased with me. B. People can say things without using words. C. Mom shouted, and I knew she was mad.

OK My Kid picked A which must mean she doesn’t pay any attention to anything I say or do, which according to the other mommies on the playground is what the other 7 and 8-year-olds are doing as well. (As in What part of; “Pick up your backpack we’re leaving now!” don’t you understand???)

I don’t know what to think of this except to think that “teaching to the test is teaching a child to STOP THINKING!”

I would like my child to know how to think.

Enough said.

Feeling Guilty

I’m going over my calendar and feeling very guilty right now. Kendall is working on a new show that I was hoping to be in, but most of the rehearsals will take place during our trip to Montana (for My Kid to spend time and celebrate her birthday with her grandparents and her cousins and also for me to attend the wedding of a childhood friend). When we bought our plane tickets–of course we put it off too long–there was a lot of finagling with dates and times to get to fly free to Seattle with our JetBlue miles. As it is The Husband and I are traveling separately because he has a new job and doesn’t want to be gone more than a week. Feeling a little blue in the wake of my parents departure after My Kid’s First Communion I wanted to extend our stay a little. Also My Kid is not signed up for any day camp here in NYC so I was anxious to schedule some more of her summer days at a “vacation location”. If we had gone two days later and come home on the 20th with The Husband instead of the 24th (which enables My Kid to do some special activities with her cousins) I would only have been available for two more of the scheduled rehearsals. That’s not much help. Why do I feel so guilty? Is it because I’m Catholic? Is it because I’m a woman? Is it because I’m a mother? Is it because I exist?

Googling Randomly

I should be doing a million things (like cleaning–yuck and writing grant proposals–yuck), but instead I am hiding from the heat in our air-conditioned bedroom next to our sleeping daughter googling randomly. It started with an on-line search for Brownie Girl Scout Try-It badges (because I have to get the requests into her leader today.) I thought I could find badges she could get for the work she did in preparation for her First Communion or as a member of her school’s FirstLEGO Robotics team (there must be a badge, we saw Girl Scout First LEGO League teams at the Javits Center in April)

Then I googled Cirque du Solelil’s KOOZA because I was still thinking about this weekend. I had hoped to see the production which was playing in Philadelphia yesterday when we were there and there were matinee tickets available. I knew this because had the concierge check for me. (KOOZA was concieved and directed by David Shiner whose workshop I was taking last fall when the seeds for the piece I did last week were planted) But, My Kid didn’t want to go see the Cirque du Soleil (Her concept of the show was probably damaged by the Simpson’s unflattering “Cirque du Puree”). She was there to swim in the hotel pool and we had already dragged her to one theatrical experience not of her choosing. The Husband wasn’t backing me up, and I wasn’t selling it well. We live on the East Coast, KOOZA will be in the region for months, it was not our only chance to see the production. Other than seeing Bill Irwin’s show we were just there for a relaxing weekend get away. My Kid has been sick, The Husband was tired and the weather was HOT. So even though we could see the trademark tent from the hotel–nobody but me thought it was a great idea to go there. Sigh.

David Shiner worked with Bill Irwin in “Fool Moon” which The Husband and I saw together in Seattle. I googled Bill Irwin because he’s, well, he’s Bill Irwin and I saw his show this weekend. I enjoyed the fact that his home page hasn’t been updated recently enough to include the current production even though it’s nearing the end of its run. Bill Irwin led to the name Bruce Hurlbut, who played the piano for “Scapin” on Broadway and also for the melodrama “The Drunkard” at the University of Montana when I, as a short thin high school student, played the child in the show. His name led to the website of a new theatre in Washington full of our old Annex friends including Andrea Allen and Allison Narver and Jack Bentz who we had hoped could marry us but who wasn’t quite finished with seminary when we looked into it at the time. I think he hooked us up with the priest from Seattle U who did marry us.

Gosh I feel so connected.

Baggy Pants and Big Black Shoes

As The Husband and My Child are playing miniature air hockey (it’s really cute 6-inch table we got at the gift shop of the Please Touch Museum) on the train from Trenton, as we make our way back to Brooklyn from Philadelphia, it seems as good a time as any to write a blog entry.

Halfway through Bill Irwin’s show last night, my heart started racing as my mind wandered from his work, “The Happiness Lectures” to my work and what if anything I would do next. Thank God I can’t compare myself to him since in addition to being a MacArthur and Tony award winner he is also tall and male, two things that never come into play when I create my own work.

When I was at Clown College (Class of ’89, Bill Irwin who I’ve shaken hands with but don’t know, was Class of ’74) there came a point, when we were watching lots of black and white silent movies and learning the classic slap and fall gags. Almost everyone went to their designer and said they wanted big black shoes and baggy pants. The women in the class were told point blank that they couldn’t have big black shoes and baggy pants “…because Mr. Feld only hires girl clowns who look like girls.” We were told the number of women clowns who were hired depended on the number of show girls who were hired. Women clowns lived on the showgirl car. More showgirls meant fewer slots for women clowns and so those who were hired had better look like girls. Otherwise he may as well hire a guy and avoid the complications.

I don’t know why I thought of that, except that Bill Irwin does so much with his baggy pants and his big black shoes.