Tag: artistic director

Relief!

Finally after such a long time I feel happy and relieved after rehearsal.

The day in the studio went well.  Kendall told us that even though the show isn’t put together we have all the parts and some good material.  She also said she is aware that some people have reactions to her in a position of authority that she didn’t expect and that she is aware that sometimes in rehearsal trying to be heard above the music her voice may sound harsh.  I know she doesn’t want to do everything herself and we have all volunteered to get things done towards the production.  But she has cast herself as the artistic director of the company and has our tacit approval by our participation in the shows that she creates.  So it is not unexpected that we would look to her for direction.

I still had a great deal of anxiety going into rehearsal.  My level of anxiety over my performance in this rehearsal process has been way out of proportion with the production.  It’s just six performances.  It’s the cabaret space.  We aren’t even in the eight o’clock slot.  While riding the subway I decided that if my work ethic or commitment or willingness to try was questioned I would say, “I’m here.  If you want me to leave I will.”  Guess what, I had an opportunity to say just that and it was such a relief.  All this talk about “stepping up and trying harder” has had upon me (and I suspect some of the others) the opposite of the intended effect.

There was this weird game where we got into groups according to wether we feel really good about the show where it is at this point, whether we think its terrible or wether we are confused.  I put myself in the confused group and when she asked me if I was confused with the follow up what can you do about that I said, “…Medication?!”

Finally there was a request for how do people feel about the production work and clowning.  I broke the silence with, “Well I judge my clowning by my computer skills.”

It felt good to get it out.  Maybe it was misunderstood today but I don’t think so.  I think I was clear and concise.  I think I expressed with as few words as possible that I’m not entirely healthy about this show and if the work I’m doing in the studio is not acceptable as it is then I need to not be in this show.  I guess that’s a little strong.  The Husband said, “Wow” when I told him I said, “I am here, if you don’t want me here I will leave.”  Most people weren’t saying anything and the gung-ho girl scouts in the group were repeating their usual I always work hard and I am committed phrases.

I don’t understand how people can say; “I always do my best.”  I never know if I’ve done my best until it’s all over.

After a workshop with Chris Lynam

Last night, Jef organized a workshop with Chris Lynam, a clown who is in New York for the Broadway run of Slava’s Snowshow. It’s always good to meet new clowns. After the workshop, there were three conversations at once around the table at the diner. Jef and Chris were talking about working with Slava and working on their own work. I was talking to the only other woman from the workshop about writing and the other guys were talking about guys being goofy.

Walking to the train at the end of the evening, Chris mentioned another clown, Thomas Kubenick a Czech clown who has his own show that he tours around the world. It’s good. I’ve seen it. I met Thomas for the first time at Movement Theatre International in Philadelphia in 1990. He was at that time assisting Boleck Polivka who taught a workshop. I met him again when he showed up at the workshop I was taking with Ctibor Turba at his studio in Nectiny, Czechoslovakia (right before it turned into Czech Land–that’s what the locals called the Czech Republic–and Slovakia) I’ve been around a while, but it’s only been in the last year or so that I’ve gotten a handle on what may be my particular style…

I’m pretty much the opposite of Amy G. Chris took a call from her about a gig at a club. Organizing and coordinating are so not my thing that the passing mention of a woman I know putting together an evening of acts apparently caused me to have a nightmare. I had a dream, last night, about running a theatre space–like Annex where Allison Narver, Andrea Allen and Gillian Jorgenson have all been artistic director or the Brick where Audrey Crabtree is the face of the organizers of the New York Clown Theatre Festival. In this dream which was more like a nightmare, brought on perhaps by conversation about successful theatrical clowns and the women behind them, (I was reminded of the organized women behind the careers of monologists, Spalding Grey and Mike Daisey and cartoonist Gary Larson, not to mention the countless women who work as personal assistants, executive secretaries and stage moms (The Husband, My Kid, My Sister and I all saw Gypsy this week.) These passing bits of conversation caused me to have a nightmare about being in charge of an art space like Celebration Barn, currently run by the Amanda Huotari. In my dream there 4 toilets on the second floor that were all overflowing and unusable. The Marley dance floor in the rehearsal hall had been scrubbed with Comet by someone’s helpful visiting unsupervised mother and was now ruined… It was a nightmare.

Now, disorganized person that I am, I’ve got to hurry and help My Kid, (who is alternately yanking on my body an falling on the floor to prove the point of gross parental neglect) get dressed in a manner appropriate for both ice skating with her aunt at Rockefeller Center and hooking up at the Museum of Natural History with old Seattle Annex friends and their offspring, who are visting from Chicago.

Gotta go.