dentist – Clownmommy

Apprehension

So while I was putting together some costume pieces for tomorrow I was singing the song “Anatevka” to myself. It’s from A Fiddler on the Roof . I don’t know what that was about. I have been in two different productions of “Fiddler”… Nope, still don’t know what it could mean.

We’ve got studio time scheduled tomorrow for the women of Clowns Ex Machina. It’s not a rehearsal. It’s just some time in the studio to play. Just a “clown jam” and yet I feel uneasy about going.

What if I’m not feeling “wildly fun!”?

Should I stay home?

Even if I don’t go I still have to contribute $10 towards studio rental, unless I give Kendall 72 hours notice and it’s too late for that . That’s more notice, by the way, than my dentist or my therapist requires! So, now I feel like I have to go because I already said yes.

I should be looking forward to it. But, I dread the command to have energy followed by the command to stop being tense.

It is meant to be fun. That’s why I do it. It usually is fun.

But, the last production was so stressful.

I just got an e-mail from a neighborhood mommy who has an organizing business, Urban Clarity.

She sent out a friendly list of tips to keep from becoming overloaded. The last one on the list; Say “No”. That’s something I failed to do when I succumbed to perceived group pressure to take on publicity tasks in addition to rehearsal in addition to the rest of my life as a wife and mother

I remember my mother talking about how hard it was to say no to the League of Women Voters after she went back to school full time when my younger sister started first grade.

At the end of the day there are only 24 hours in each day, and it is so hard to say, “No”.

So I’ll be going to the BrooklynNite this evening, the annual spring gala and fundraising auction for my daughter’s school, I bought my ticket from the PTA president. I wrote a check for her after she cornered me on the playground yesterday afternoon. As I said, it is hard to say, “No”.

At least there will be cocktails and tasty snacks.

Our first full day back in NYC

This morning after an appointment in Brooklyn Heights, My Kid and I ran into some neighbors who had just been to the dentist. They were on their way to Greenwich Village to see Click Clack Moo at the Lucille Lortel theater on Christopher Street. Since it was free with tickets distributed an hour before curtain, we went along too. We saw ate pizza, saw the musical, and played in a couple of playgrounds; the very popular Bleeker Street Playground and the seriously neglected Minetta Playground. Then we returned to Brooklyn and My Kid and her friend had a playdate at our apartment which began with an egg creme and ginger ale from the local diner and ended at “camel park” on DeKalb, the third playground of the day. Now we’re going out for sushi!

it’s about the performance no it’s about the process no it’s about the performance no it’s about the process no it’s about the performance no it’s about the process….

Left the apartment before 8:30 am got home just before 9:00pm (With My Kid every moment of the day–a work day–my work day–)
I woke up this morning feeling anxious about the piece.
Then I checked my e-mail.
There was an e-mail from Lorraine with specific questions about the puppets and time elements.
Then I was really stressed.
Fortunately I had a scheduled conversation with someone to talk about “My Process” (aghhh how pretentious.)

When at 10am I told My Kid we were going to take the subway to the next thing on the schedule she burst into tears. I thought my plans for the day were shot. But, then she calmed down and we got something to eat, and she agreed to go with me to Clownlab at Theatrelab after I told her I would get her some packaged art activities at Closeout Connection. And then we went to Barnes and Noble. And then she got a Happy Meal from McDonalds. Finally, she had enough payment up front to go with me and be a good girl with her Barbie magic notebook and her new markers in the corner of the studio while I “worked” (I do it though I don’t believe I’m working and so I don’t always make accommodations for myself).

It had occurred to me to arrange a playdate for my kid, but I had also scheduled a dental appointment for her late in the afternoon and if she had a playdate in Brooklyn, I would have had to leave the studio an hour early in order to take the subway to go pick her up and take her back into Manhattan to see the dentist. It wasn’t a big motivation since it would have added so much more travel and stress to my day and cut my studio time by one third, and the only thing significantly affecting her quality of life would be her boredom quotient. And there is an approach to parenting that says maybe she should be a little bored this week so she can be excited to go back to school next week. Anyway, I bought her stuff, bought her off, paid her up front, as it were, for good behavior and silence. (good yes, silent not so much)

It’s good, for people who go into the studio to practice acting like a child, to see how an actual child plays in the studio (So what she did was run in circles like a rabid dog when “nobody was using the space” because all we were doing was talking–I said, “That was part of the workshop too,” and she tilted her head and looked at me genuinely puzzled. It sure didn’t look like we were doing anything.

I felt better after talking through my piece with those other people in the studio. I was reminded that in a situation like this, it’s about the process, not about the product.

So for the next two weeks, I will record here in my blog, my process because it’s not about the product. It’s about the process.

To that end, I spoke to Lorraine on the phone and was comforted to realize that we are on the same page, and if we aren’t we trust each other to do our part. Part–of the process…

Gearing up for the Festival

I’m getting nervous.

There is a lot to do.

I’ve got my South Oxford Space rehearsals booked for daytimes when My Kid is in school.

I’ve decided what to wear on stage.

My Kid has a dentist appointment this week.

We have to shop for school supplies.

I have to get the apartment ready for company.

We’re going to Coney Island on Friday to see the Cyclones play.

My Kid and I need to clean her room and go through her closets and toss the outgrown clothes and toys.

Hardest of all–I need to get my kid back on the school year sleep schedule!